We all make mistakes, and our kids do too. We want to teach them responsibility and socially correct behavior when they goof. Here are some things to consider as we guide our kids.
Parents are often presented with two options when it comes to raising their kids, and neither of them are very appealing...
Sometimes we go through periods of time where we don't feel joy and may be held back from where we want to be. Fortunately, we have tools to help us through these dark times. Counseling and prescriptions may be useful and necessary options to explore; it is so wonderful that we have professionals and medications to help in times of need. Here are some additional ideas that can be used in conjunction with help from care providers. These tools may help lessen the time and effort it takes to get back to being yourself.
Importantly, most of these can be used safely during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Many are free or inexpensive ways you can help yourself. Some you can use to help other members of your family as well.
While we have varying levels of training and certification in some of the below mentioned modalities, we are not therapists - we cannot diagnose or prescribe. We urge you to seek out professionals who can do those things to best help you. We simply offer these nine ideas to expedite your healing and to give you some tools so that you can help yourself as well.
Some women come out of the labor room with unexpected negative emotions. They can range from guilt... to fear... to rage... to hurt... to anguish. These mothers need our support so they can bring out the strong, confident mama that's inside them. Dismissing their feelings will not help those feelings magically disappear. Insensitive words only make things harder for her. It can be uncomfortable being with someone who is grieving. To be blunt, this is not about the comfort of others; it is about supporting mothers so they can do the best job for themselves and their babies. Mothers deserve this, and babies deserve this.
Here are some common pitfalls to avoid.
There is a meme going around facebook right now that seems to be supportive of new families; however, it has raised a few concerns for us.
In this meme, the caption first reminds moms that "babies bring visitors so use them wisely.” Then the image says:
"We have a new baby and we know you would like to hold our baby. Snuggle time will be offered on a first come, first to serve basis. Ideas to get to the front of the line:
Many have liked and shared this meme, probably appreciating the often forgotten concept that visitors to the home of a newly postpartum family should expect to help, not to simply hold the baby and be entertained while the mother - who has just gone through the arduous process of birthing a baby - cooks, cleans, and spends her already diminished energy being social. This is a great thing to point out to newly expanded families and their guests. However, the idea of visitors doing some sort of service and being "paid" in time holding the new baby is quite troubling.
My eldest is about to turn 13, the age Facebook determines is mature enough to participate in their chaotically connecting community. I can no longer hide behind their rules for disallowing him access, so now I am working on preparing him.
This terrifying video has shown up on my newsfeed. Contrived or not, this was something I wanted to discuss with my kids. I sat down with my two older boys (the almost 13-year-old and the 9.5-year-old) and we watched this together. They immediately caught on to the problems.
Why did all three girls know they had to hide their activities from their parents? Because, on some level, they knew what they were doing was inherently dangerous and/or wrong. Or they just didn't trust their parents' rules and feared getting in trouble. Either way, the outcome could have been disastrous.
My boys and I made some promises to each other. We worked together to come up with this list. These promises have a direct impact on the social media aspect of life, but also serve our family as a foundation for living and working together. This is our covenant:
This is the first in a series on tools we bring to a birth. Subscribe to be notified as future installments become available.
Many doulas bring a variety of tools to the birthing room - massage tools, lotion, heat packs, etc. - but the tools that will be the most useful won't fit in the suitcase. Who your doula is as a person and as a professional has a far more profound influence on her ability to support you than any device she has in her possession.
Balanced Birth Services is now a featured doula on the Jenni Maroney Portrait Boutique website!
The ladies at Jenni Maroney Portrait Boutique gave our "Denver Doula" team here at Balanced Birth Services the opportunity to get real and give some "tips every new mom should know." We really enjoyed putting some great information and advice out there, and appreciate the Jenni Maroney team connecting to related services for Denver area families!
Do please stop by jennimaroney.com and check out their breathtaking maternity, newborn, baby, child, and family photography! Their studio is located in Niwot, and they serve mothers, babies, and families in the Boulder and Denver area.
Fearmongering. Scare Tactics. Bullying. These accusations are most commonly heard from birth professionals such as doulas and childbirth educators, as well as more natural-minded consumers, in reference to clinical maternity care providers - obstetricians, midwives, or nurses - who are pushing their clients toward increased interventions in pregnancy and birth, usually as a routine matter rather than in response to an actual risk.
The reality is that there are some situations in which greater care, higher responsibility, and increased intervention are needed in order to ensure the best outcome. This is why, at Balanced Birth Services, we are fond of saying:
Care Provider: an individual, such as a physician, nurse, social worker, or paraprofessional, who assists in the identification, prevention, or treatment of an illness or disability.
You may have read that definition and wanted to shout, "pregnancy is not an illness or a disability!" You are correct. In a normal, healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy and birth, the various types of care provided - clinical or otherwise - are more preventive in nature. If complications develop, they need to be identified, and may require treatment.
A good care provider will:
Just as there are signs of a good care provider, there are red flags that let us know when we might be dealing with a scare provider. A scare provider may:
Visualize a scare provider in your mind. Was it Dr. Meanie? Nurse Ratchet? It is important to understand that not all scare providers are clinical. Women are scared into declining medical interventions that they actually need for their own health and safety, or that of their baby. Women are scared into "choosing" a homebirth when that may not be the right environment for them. Women are scared into one type of procedure by providers who create doubt about other types of procedures instead of merely focusing on the positive aspects of their own services. In every service provided - doctors, midwives, nurses, doulas, childbirth educators, placenta encapsulators, any you can think of - there are care providers, and there are scare providers.
Scare providers damage mothers, babies, and families in ways that are sometimes very obvious, and sometimes very subtle. They create doubt in a time when women should be receiving the best care and support. They attack the confidence of women when they are at their most vulnerable. They rob women of the ability and opportunity to enter their parenting journey from a place of strength. Scare providers, regardless of how they market themselves, do not serve women.
Melissa and Ellen are birth doulas, childbirth educators, placenta encapsulation specialists, and Parent Effectiveness Training instructors serving the Denver, CO area. They are passionate about pregnancy, birth, baby care, and parenting. They bring over twenty years of combined experience to their premium childbirth classes, doula support, parenting classes, and placenta encapsulation services in the metro Denver area.